I know a lot of you out there are holding your breath to find out what Intrepid Jade's next project will be. I see I haven't posted since late October. That's because I've been busy pursuing my will, losing my way (again), grieving over that, and getting back on track.
What? Ne'er mind. I wrote an entry in between then and now, published it, then unpublished it. Too much grief and existential pondering.
Suffice it to say that after I put together the restaurant, where I learned some big, hard lessons, I lost it. Plain and simple. Last time I lost a business, it was because I listened to the wrong people. This time it was because I didn't listen to anybody. Go figure. It was full speed ahead, conventional wisdom be damned.
Recently, as I stood back up and brushed myself off, in the midst of re-collecting my dignity, I heard a talk by a man, Ron Williams, whom I now admire very much. In my typical ADHD fashion, I might have just drifted off and heard "Blah, blah, blah." But this guy wasn't all hype and charisma. This guy was about authenticity and integrity. Very down to earth. And he taught me something right away. It was a true "Aha" moment for me.
Ron said we can't just make it on our god-given talents, that at some point, those have to be parlayed into skills. Pause for thought. All my life, I've been trying to do everything on the merit of my talents, which are many. If I have a talent, I think I should be able to do whatever calls for that talent. But the truth is that I haven't taken the time to hone many of those talents into real skills. Wow. That explains a WHOLE lot.
I have skipped 'round the world, selling myself and my talents, and jumping in with both feet only to find -- oops -- that I really couldn't pull it off. The restaurant was a perfect example of that (as well as dozens of other perfect examples of it). Of course when my older son reads this, he will say, "I've been telling you that for years." It's true, he has. But, I thought, he's just a kid. What does he know? I kept thinking, I just need to try something else; so off I'd be on the next big adventure, using the next set of talents for which I had never developed any skills.
So, at last, I sat down, armed with this "new" information (sorry, Son), and thought, "So what skills do I have?" In all fairness to me, Son #1 kept telling me I had no marketable skills. I knew I'd come too far in life and done way too much living to have never developed any skills. So I thought some more.
At last it came to me. And I laughed. I laughed a big belly laugh. Because, guess what? The skills I have are the skills it has always been my BIG dream to use, but I thought...I thought...well, it's apparent that I really hadn't thought it through.
So what are the skills I have developed over 57 years of living and learning? First of all, from all the positions I got on my own merit, whether I could follow through or not, I knew I was really good at selling myself. Yessir, that was major. I never lied. I wasn't a used car salesman -- I was selling me! But I think there was this huge disconnection between what I thought anyone of my talents should be able to do and what I could actually do. I sold my background, experience and talents.
From that, I could also see that I'm really good at writing and speaking. I wasn't afraid to talk to anybody, from one on one to a crowd of a thousand. I had something to say, and by god, everybody better listen. And in the right setting, everyone did.
To that end, I am also an excellent wordsmith. The evidence of that is that the best and most loved jobs I have ever had, and the most successful, involved writing, editing and publishing. That was something I had been doing successfully for more than 40 years in small doses.
Another well-honed skill for me is my understanding. Some might call that a god-given gift, but in the Church, I was identified as having the gifts of knowledge and understanding, an ability to put together shreds of gathered information (often gathered from "thin air") to create a new whole out of it. It actually looked like creatio ex nihilo a lot of the time. Which is why the Magus so often shows up as the central figure in my tarot readings.
I figured out very quickly how to put that successfully to use in the church setting. So by now, I would say, that is a finely honed, if rather esoteric skill. I think I just haven't found a real-world application for it yet.
Besides my skills, I also have compassion. That's neither a talent nor a skill, but it is an attribute that could very go well with other talents and skills. However, my compassion is a particular one -- an uncanny ability to see and understand where the other guy is coming from. That is something that can be honed into a skill. Unfortunately, it is a skill that society values in theory, but not in practice. When I am disagreeing with someone and nearing deadlock, that ability to "see/feel/understand" the other side of the question is what makes me back down. All too often, the other party sees my backing down as weakness and goes for the throat. (Now do you understand political debates?)
If, instead of backing down, I explain what I see/understand to my "opponent" in an effort to come to a consensus, he/she immediately feels exposed and threatened, and the end of that is never pretty either. So my peculiar brand of compassion is one I have yet to become skilled in making work to my advantage. But, I believe, having pinpointed it is half the battle.
To be successful, I see that I need to find a role where I'm selling myself and my ability to see/feel/understand where the other person is coming from without them feeling threatened (in other words in an empathetic or mediatory role rather than with an "opponent"), and to use my words and knowledge to help the person understand themselves, their needs, their desires.
So, in 2012, I'm disengaging (from an old paradigm) and reengaging (a whole new paradigm). Hey! You're never too old to learn! I also realize why I have never accomplished it even though it's been my "dream." I can't make a dream come true if I've never thought it through to know what it looks like.
In the meantime, while I figure this out, check out my new friend, Ron. www.ronwilliams.org
