Gather unto yourself gentle memories filled with love and grace, or wild and harmonious moments filled with the beauty of the earth, so it is of these things you dream when you are old.
As I lay down briefly earlier today in order to rejuvenate myself while I waited for my sugar 'n' spice rolls to rise, I was listening to a particularly beautiful classical piece, first with guitar and violins, culminating in cello and harp. It tripped softly through my mind, elevating it to the ethereal while my consciousness swam.
I have been examining my subconscious through my dreams of late and am learning a lot about dreaming and about myself. This was stimulated by recent watchings of some of David Lynch's offerings as well as of the 2010 movie, "Inception."
But this desire to understand my subconscious has another motive. A while back, I spent about three years working as a certified nursing assistant. I worked with many elderly people, often some with dementia, and/or medicated with strong psychoactive drugs. One very predominant thing I noticed was that their subconscious most often projected fear.
The men with whom I worked, were often at the age to have been in combat in WWII or Korea. Not surprisingly, their projections were often from combat related scenarios. Surprisingly, though, even more often, I found them projecting what I would describe as a secret mission/spy/conspiracy theory kind of scenario involving aliens, covert ops, stolen nukes, etc.
Women's projections were very different, almost always involving children, and more often than not involving being separated from their child/ren and worrying for the child/ren's safety. Many, many times, this was a waking subconscious projection in which they felt they (the women, themselves) were being held against their will and not allowed to protect or find their children. One woman was so convinced that I was keeping her from her children that in her panic, she beat me about the head and shoulders with her cane.
No matter how lightly I describe these things, please know that they were very real and very frightening to the person experiencing them and very haunting to me observing them. I remember thinking that I wanted to cultivate pleasant memories and lay subconscious fears and failings to rest so that if I come to that stage in my old age, my projections will be more kind and harmonious.
And so it is that I have embarked on this quest to plumb my subconscious and to heal my memories. I will share it with you from time to time, when I think perhaps I have touched on something universal. But in reading what some psychologists have to say of dreams, I know that some of it does not apply to me.
I surmise that everyone dreams differently, and that the metaphor often would apply only to one's own experience. However, I have learned some eye-opening things from these same psychologists that have proven very useful. I suppose it's like when I search online for a recipe -- I look at several recipes for the same thing, gleaning what others have done, and doing what, from my own experience, I think will work best for me.
But I am resolved to cultivate pleasant, unstressful experiences in my life, and I vow to heal those things and let go of those things which might cause me to feel guilt or fear. As far as societal things I can't control, I will remedy what I can, prepare myself as far as I can, and refuse to fear that which I cannot. As far as the past which cannot be changed -- it is important to amend those things which we can, forgive and let go of our own hurts, let go of judgments of those who have hurt us, and to move on when others cannot forgive us.
Clinging to fear and judgment, projecting them onto those different from themselves, surely comes from our/their own unresolved hurt and resentment over very personal things which, when we cannot deal with them, we cover over, and the sentiment surrounding them becomes a projection at large.
Many look to God to heal our nation -- we must begin by healing ourselves. To heal ourselves, we must understand what lies within. Examining our dreams is a way to begin.
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