Breathing words + healing

I am a writer. I am filled with philosophies and tales and wondrous descriptions, deep thoughts and fabulous ideas. But why do so few of my inspirations reach the written page? I realize that I bog myself down by writing everything in the same self-conscious way. When I'm writing an informative article, I must, of course, consider my audience. If I am marketing a piece, I must consider many things. But when I just want to breathe words, I realize quite a different strategy must be employed.

I realized today that the problem with writing is the same problem we have with living and thinking -- we are narrating the past -- something we envisioned or heard from our muse a moment ago.

When I was a literature student, I never really got into reading "stream-of-consciousness" literature, but I think now that I should employ a semblance of that.

My thoughts of late are carried by the breeze in the instant. This is when I am the most lucid.

I have had several catalysts over the past two years, all of which have carried me aloft and taught me so much. I want to share these things with you in the hope that something here will inspire YOU to new heights, new dimensions, something that will help engender greater freedom for you as it has for me.

For the first 45 years or so of my learning, everything was very orderly and built on previous lessons, but they also carried the heaviness of the baggage I drew along behind me moment by moment, year after year.

I had a huge paradigm shift about 10 years ago that began to open new dimensions for me, but each subsequent catalyst has increased that exponentially.

For 45 years, I mostly only allowed thoughts from one paradigm to influence me. My only saving grace was my diehard desperation to understand why I thought like I did which seemed so vastly different from others ensconced in the same worldview.

It was the discovery of the mystics in Seminary that led me to understand why my thinking was so different from those of my contemporaries. And when at last I understood that there were, "...more things in this world, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy..." my world began to expand. It wasn't that I didn't know about those "more things" before; it was that I didn't realize that everyone didn't incorporate them into their thinking, and that's where the separation began.

One of the first things a new lover taught me in 2005 and then proceeded to reinforce with every exposure is that, "Everything you know is wrong," the mantra of the Firesign Theatre album of the same name. That same year I read Dr. Christopher Hyatt & Antero Alli's Modern Shaman's Guide to a Pregnant Universe and it catapulted my thinking.

The Modern Shaman's Guide told me I had to find and eradicate my "hideous corpuscle" which I came to understand in time as my Ego.

And that is enough of the history lesson. I just want to thank my teacher's in these past few years: first, the big three -- Thom Cooper, Gayle Colopy and Eckhart Tolle. Thom was my group therapist when I hit bottom, Gayle is my life partner and my inspiration, and Eckhart Tolle is the man who wrote in one sentence the words that healed my past. Not that there weren't a thousand other catalysts to that healing, but his words put all of it together, pierced me to the heart, divided bone and marrow, and put the ointment on the wound that allowed the festering to stop so that it could heal, once and for all.

"How absurd men are!"

The philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard writes, "How absurd men are! They never use the liberties they have..."

Perception, Ego, and the Now

It's been nearly 8 weeks since I posted. Life has definitely been in the fast lane for those weeks -- mostly in the cerebral realms!

Yes, we've moved -- we're trying out Show Low for the summer. Even considering staying for the year. I can't imagine, though, what mountain winter is like after 16 years in California and Arizona.

And, of course, I've spent those 16 years reluctantly giving away all my mountain clothes. ><

But on the subject of "my life since EquiSync," I can barely keep up with what's going on. www.eocinstitute.org

No lie. It has drastically decreased my usual irritability, and it significantly lowers my blood pressure.

But the beauty of it goes far beyond that. I am experiencing a serious increase in creativity, motivation, peace, and best yet, the Law of Attraction at work.

I have been using the Law of Attraction for several years now, and it works well for me, but the meditation has really ramped it up.

And now, for the first time, I understand a concept in a way I have never understood it before: why meditation works; no, I mean why it REALLY works.

And I found that information in a very unexpected place.

I knew it worked, but I hadn't gotten it to work for me. Then I read and heard enough that I knew I would "grow" no further until I was able to meditate.

Believe me, I'm not attributing everything to the EquiSync. EquiSync was what worked to get me into the silence. I will be glad when my brain is trained and I no longer have to rely on the recordings, when I can get into the space by myself.

I have long heard the importance of meditation to assist one to "live in the now." But I really only had a vague idea of what that meant. Until I experienced it. But the experience was inarticulable for me (is that a word?) until I read something.

The last time I was in the library, I was led to pick up a Carlos Castaneda book. Now, I've had the opportunity to read Castaneda for years, but was never interested. I had A Yaqui Way of Knowledge on my own bookshelf for years and never even opened it. You see, I was stupidly swayed by the opinions of academics who went out of their way to try to discredit his work. All I can say is, they completely miss the point.

Anyway, I picked up Tales of Power because I have been extremely interested in storytelling as magic for the last couple of years. (Yeah, so interested that I have several books about it on my bookshelf -- that I've never read.) But I had found my own magical power(s) through storytelling, and I do mean to read what others have to say about it.

ANYway, I was absolutely blown away by the concepts in Tales of Power. It is so pithy in a psychological, philosophical, and practical way that I can only read a few pages, then I have to stop to digest and visualize what I have read. I have found it amazing, to say the least. More proof to me that the ancients took as given the things that our society is just now beginning to understand/explain through quantum concepts.

But most of all, I loved the concept Castaneda put forth about man's inner monologue -- I'm sure many philosophers have said the same thing, but most philosophy books are intellectually inaccessible to me. Most of what I know about philosophy, I've either intuited myself or had it distilled for me by someone else. (An interesting insight into that particular phenomenon is had by watching the movie "Leaves of Grass."

According to Castaneda, our monologue that is so difficult to quash, is our moment by moment processing and perception of the world. The problem is that it's always in the PAST! Maybe only by a millisecond or so, but still in the past. We are just iterating what we just perceived. Combining what Ekhart Tolle says with what Castaneda says, it must be the ego that does the narrating because it's the toughest bugger to kill that I have ever encountered. It fights!

Having that realization also led me to understand that when someone is talking about the Warrior, he or she is talking about one engaged in the battle to quell the Ego.

So, the upshot of all this is that it is imperative to stop that internal monologue long enough to experience the NOW. Before Castaneda, I understood that everyone said it was important, but not having experienced it, I didn't truly understand it. The NOW is the only way to be a Shaman, to walk between the worlds. To truly understand other dimensions and spirits. I have worked with spirits since before I was an adult. But I see now that it was always past perception rather than a knowing in the NOW. Only in the NOW can I progress.

Bleh. Misinformation/Disinformation?

I heard the Public Affairs person for AZ Health Department state today (on the radio) that Marijuana and Oxycontin were both Schedule 1 Narcotics, thus attempting to draw a comparison between the two as to why Medical Marijuana is being so heavily regulated. NOT! 1st of all, Oxycontin is a Schedule 2. 2nd,the average non-medical person does not know that Schedule 1 doesn't mean it's more dangerous. Schedule 1's are thusly nominated because they don't usually have applications in a medical setting, and are illegal such as LSD, Peyote, Marijuana, etc.  Schedule 2's are thusly denominated because they are a) highly addictive, b) often abused, and c) have a high street value. It's not even apples and oranges people. It's comparing apples and orangutans.

Gather unto yourself gentle memories filled with love and grace, or wild and harmonious moments filled with the beauty of the earth, so it is of these things you dream when you are old.

As I lay down briefly earlier today in order to rejuvenate myself while I waited for my sugar 'n' spice rolls to rise, I was listening to a particularly beautiful classical piece, first with guitar and violins, culminating in cello and harp. It tripped softly through my mind, elevating it to the ethereal while my consciousness swam.

I have been examining my subconscious through my dreams of late and am learning a lot about dreaming and about myself. This was stimulated by recent watchings of some of David Lynch's offerings as well as of the 2010 movie, "Inception."

But this desire to understand my subconscious has another motive. A while back, I spent about three years working as a certified nursing assistant. I worked with many elderly people, often some with dementia, and/or medicated with strong psychoactive drugs. One very predominant thing I noticed was that their subconscious most often projected fear.

The men with whom I worked, were often at the age to have been in combat in WWII or Korea. Not surprisingly, their projections were often from combat related scenarios. Surprisingly, though, even more often, I found them projecting what I would describe as a secret mission/spy/conspiracy theory kind of scenario involving aliens, covert ops, stolen nukes, etc.

Women's projections were very different, almost always involving children, and more often than not involving being separated from their child/ren and worrying for the child/ren's safety. Many, many times, this was a waking subconscious projection in which they felt they (the women, themselves) were being held against their will and not allowed to protect or find their children. One woman was so convinced that I was keeping her from her children that in her panic, she beat me about the head and shoulders with her cane.

No matter how lightly I describe these things, please know that they were very real and very frightening to the person experiencing them and very haunting to me observing them. I remember thinking that I wanted to cultivate pleasant memories and lay subconscious fears and failings to rest so that if I come to that stage in my old age, my projections will be more kind and harmonious.

And so it is that I have embarked on this quest to plumb my subconscious and to heal my memories. I will share it with you from time to time, when I think perhaps I have touched on something universal. But in reading what some psychologists have to say of dreams, I know that some of it does not apply to me.

I surmise that everyone dreams differently, and that the metaphor often would apply only to one's own experience. However, I have learned some eye-opening things from these same psychologists that have proven very useful. I suppose it's like when I search online for a recipe -- I look at several recipes for the same thing, gleaning what others have done, and doing what, from my own experience, I think will work best for me.

But I am resolved to cultivate pleasant, unstressful experiences in my life, and I vow to heal those things and let go of those things which might cause me to feel guilt or fear. As far as societal things I can't control, I will remedy what I can, prepare myself as far as I can, and refuse to fear that which I cannot. As far as the past which cannot be changed -- it is important to amend those things which we can, forgive and let go of our own hurts, let go of judgments of those who have hurt us, and to move on when others cannot forgive us.

Clinging to fear and judgment, projecting them onto those different from themselves, surely comes from our/their own unresolved hurt and resentment over very personal things which, when we cannot deal with them, we cover over, and the sentiment surrounding them becomes a projection at large.

Many look to God to heal our nation -- we must begin by healing ourselves. To  heal ourselves, we must understand what lies within. Examining our dreams is a way to begin.

Holy Wild Dreams, Batman!

I have been having the strangest dreams all week, all with religious connotation, but last night's was the wildest, and I just have to put it down. I'll put the rest of them down in subsequent entries.

I suppose I must have been thinking about all the fish and birds dying of late and subconsciously recalling that that is part of Biblical prophecy. (Am I out of the loop? Probably people have made that comparison already.)

I was walking with a childhood friend, and we were walking to school together. There were a lot of other students around us. We were chatting heartily and we suddenly realized that it was quiet, and that we had walked way too far. She immediately made the decision to go back, but as we were looking for different buildings, I continued on my path.

For a while the neighborhood was at least familiar, but as I walked farther, I began to see different signs of familiarity and realized that I was in Athens, Greece. I looked at my watch, and instead of it being shortly after 8, which I expected, it was past 10. I became a little more urgent in my looking because I had missed both my 8:00 and 9:00 classes. (Forgetting, I guess, that I had changed countries somewhere in my walk.)

I started seeing signs of displaced people, hundreds of them, as I walked. I continued to walk and look, and it seemed everywhere that people were either in a dither or acting resigned. Finally I stopped and asked what the deal was. One woman said "Tomorrow is the Sun in Krakatoa!" I didn't recognize the reference, but her near hysteria caused me to ask, "The end of the world?" She nodded vehemently.

I started looking around. First, airplanes went overhead, dropping this lavender liquid. Some people were running from it, others were bathing in it and making a mud with it and spreading it on their skin. When I asked the reason, I was told that it would make white people invisible when the end came, so that they would not die. But I knew they were deluded, and the majority were running from it.

Suddenly the streets began to flood. I was at a vantage point to see the beach and the Mediterranean. The waters were roiling and encroaching on the city. Some were just running around crazily, others were trying to get to higher ground.

All of a sudden, I was being chased by a growling reptilian monster which I called a kraken*. I eluded it at some point, and kept moving to higher and higher ground. At the last, I was on a promontory, looking out over the city which was being destroyed by the high water. There were people marooned in spots and many up near where I was, just waiting in horror for the waters to overcome them.

As I looked out, there was a guy out over the water in a boom with a megaphone, preaching repentance and doom. I shouted to be heard above him, and I said, "You are a fraud!" Then I looked up to heaven, and plunged my fist into the air and shouted, "God! You promised not to destroy this world by flood again!" Immediately, the sun shone behind the clouds, and then through the clouds. The clouds dissipated, the waters withdrew, and everyone started to cheer.

I awoke.



*Upon waking, I was thinking a kraken was something I had seen in Clash of the Titans, but when I looked it up, it is actually a sea creature of Nordic legend, more like a giant octopus.